i hate when you have so much on your mind that you cant express your thoughts clearly. i care about things far too much for my own good. my eyes are welling up... guhh.
last night was fun, almost too fun. i just realized what all im missing in california... sort of puts things in perspective i suppose? today was spent taking my computer to the apple store only to realize i can fix the damn thing myself. i also drove out to los angeles to pick up my vespa from missi and frank. i miss silverlake.
when i came home tonight my mom was so drunk she couldnt walk. i carried her to her bedroom while my step father and his meth-head friends screamed at each other about how many colors are in the rainbow. did he even notice i carried her away? once i got her into her bedroom she fumbled with her clothes until she could finally rip them off. no discretion was taken while i sat there mortified. really mom, 25 years of this? i just hate that feeling when your parents, yet again, let you down. she proceeded to crawl under her "fancy chenille blanket" - mom... youre so fancy. she groped me for a few minutes, sobbing about how much she loves me. i kept prying her fingers off just assuring her that sleep would feel much better. at this point i kind of wish i could just be rescued. i dont know what stable feels like, AT ALL. i mean that crazy, numb feeling is a good thing. although at times like this, with wet cheeks, i really wish i were in a different position.
i have 34 minutes remaining with data rescue, my hard drive better be recovered. i need my music back while im in this sad state.
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